Tygerberg Receptionists Irritated Me

Ugh.

We had no idea how the whole payment thing works, and assumed there are card machines at the hospital. But the sperm freezing place takes its own payments and didn’t have a card machine so I had to go down and find an ATM, go back up to reception (Room 29) where they would call the lab folk to come get the money. R300.

When I entered, I told them why I was there and they asked if my surname was “C…” I said yes. Then they showed me my husband’s folder that they’d been ogling, and while pointing at his salary, asked if that’s really how much he earns, if it’s per month, where he works so they could also go work there, and if it’s true or he made it up.

What!?

Why were they looking at that kind of info and what made them think they could grill me over it?

It irritated me. And what irritates me is that this money thing is SO common amongst all POC. I buy my special needs son specific shoes for his feet with pronation, the cashier comments that she’d never buy shoes for a toddler for that amount.

I buy gluten-free bread at Dis-Chem, the cashier comments that it’s a lot of money “for just ten slices of bread. Why don’t you buy normal bread?”

I buy at Edgars (on account) “Yho, this is a lot of money for a takkies…”

At Pick n Pay: “Vegetarian sushi? Is it nice? I’d never buy it, it looks gross. And R36 for THIS?” It goes on and on and on.

And it has never happened to any of my White friends. And there are two … Rephrase: One has a husband who earns what mine does, and the other is a private doctor who earns a similar amount. They both buy at the types of shops I buy at, same prices etc. But this money issue has NEVER come up.

What is it with us POC? We need to stop it, really. If you have nothing constructive to say, then just shut it.

Grrr.

The other night I dreamt this ICSI thing didn’t work and we were trying to figure out who to adopt through. We definitely didn’t want to use the same agency. We went to a children’s home to look at babies because I just wasn’t sure I wanted to adopt any more and not a single one caught my attention, I was just going through the motions. It was a sad dream. I really hope we don’t fail. I’m so broody. I want a newborn that grew in my tummy, not a 4 month old. Maybe these two adoptions scarred me. Or maybe it was just a dream. Who knows?

Maybe it was triggered by how I was passionate about adoption. How each time I heard about available babies, my heart would yearn to just rush and adopt him/her. But now, nope. That strong burning desire is gone. I’m fully invested in closing off with a biological baba. Maybe this will change if we fail, I don’t know. But ja, I woke up feeling sad that the journey to baby was over and my hands would never rock my own biological baby, and nor did they want to rock a baby that would become mine.

Question for Tyg.erbergers: How did you do the payments for the next portions? Did they give you a bill for each day you went and then you had to pay cash on the same day or what? And does the hospital itself take card or you’re somehow meant to have the cash on hand? And WHERE do you pay?

TIA

My Nips Don’t Lie

Oh my word! DHEA plus my nipples plus ovulation equals PAIN!!!

Happened last cycle and lasted till AF. I dreaded it happening again but it has. Rolled over in my sleep on Friday night and OUCH! And it’s been ouch since then. It’s gonna be a long two weeks!

Considering my FSH went down by 14.5 in three weeks, I’ve reduced the dose to 50mg instead of 75mg and will continue till my next day one (an extra 5 weeks on top of the three weeks that gave us the first results.)

My nips are on fire!!!

My Unconscious is Very Hopeful!

I dreamt I made six eggs and fertilised all 6-SIX!-embryos so they decided to transfer two on day 3, two on day 4 and the last the next day. I was panicking about too many babies buthe Dr and my husband assured me there was no way even four would stick.

I would NEVER agree to transferring six, thank you very much! 😱😂

Recovery after Biopsy

Lots of needles used for numbing. He could feel though when they were cutting near the top and all the stitching too but didn’t want to flinch. I could see him straining to keep still. Was faint afterwards, mouth dry, and in pain. I had to drive him home because he was in bad pain. Each bump or jerk was awful. Stopped at my favourite (baby bumps in my face) mall to get gauze and painkillers that Dr T had prescribed. Dr T said by Sunday he should not need any more painkillers.

He (Dr) made a kind of sling to keep the testicle from falling between the legs using medical tape and advised hubby to use a rolled up sock under the testicle worn with a tight pair of briefs. No shower, no bath till maybe Sunday.

(Lol. I was told to leave if I am the fainting type. Which I’m not. I really enjoyed watching the procedure, I’ve always had a thing for operations, it’s a form of art.

And yes, Dr T is a friendly guy who knows how to put even introverts like me at ease. ;-))

Will let you know how quickly he recovers.

Do You Believe in Signs?

I’ve never been one for signs. But yesterday morning I was thinking, “I cannot fall pregnant before my friend who had a missed miscarriage. I would rather we failed than to conceive before she does. My pregnancy would be terrible.”

Now, the gynae had told them to wait three months before even trying again. It’s not been two months yet.

Yesterday at 12:16 that very friend sent me some voice notes.

They’re unexpectedly pregnant!

They’ve been using the natural method for birth control and she seemingly miscalculated and oops, a possible rainbow baby has been conceived.

We’re nervous. No-one wants her to suffer yet another loss. Pointless conceiving if they die. But we’re cautiously optimistic.

And I’m wondering if this is a sign for me to trust that we will be fine too.

All I know is- we’re giving it two tries and that’s it. Just don’t have the money for more, especially with our special needs little guy. But man, if I could just give our adopted little girl a sibling who will play with her, hug her, enjoy her, I’d be happy. (He’s got red flags for autism and plays alone. Not violent at all, just in his own world and hates cuddles etc.)

We have sperm

So, it is done. Was very interesting, seeing the seminiferous tubules in the flesh. Dr T was happy, “We’ve got good tissue here!” And cut and cut, gave the pieces to his one lab guy and had the other lab ‘girl’ (she’s a student) help him with the suturing.

I filled in forms and we decided if my husband dies I’ll keep his sperm. And we waited to hear if he HAD any sperm.

Ten minutes later, lab guy came in very excited, “There’s sperm, and some are even moving!”

Hurdle 1- CROSSED!

As soon as cycle day 1 starts I’ll email them and..we start!! (I’m on day 13, no ovulation yet. Can’t wait for it plus dear aunt Flo.)

He didn’t ask for any test results or anything.

You need proof of address, payslip (or affidavit if unemployed) and of course, your ID to open up a folder. Oh yes, and your appointment letter. (We showers them the email on our phone.)

 

 

Inauspicious Start

It’s 10:36. Appointment for the biopsy was for 9am. We arrived at 8am to open a folder on ground floor first as directed via email.

Oh.my.word! Just trying to find the right place was a mission. The staff we met didn’t know where we should be. Bureaucracy is crazy. Go to nurses counter then go to registration then go to upstairs registration, wait, get called for them to put more details in the system and take pics of your ID… Then get told to go to room 28. At room 29 get told to go to room 22 to wait for the doctor.

It does not look like where you’d wait.

But here we are.

10:40 and hoping he’s actually here.

And his 11am appointment has just arrived.

Excitement is Gone

I feel like I’ve been waiting for ten years for this appointment. I guess because for ten years I was either hoping the vasectomy had failed, or asking for him to reverse it. Then April came and they gave us August for the testis biopsy. I realised that I was ‘old’ and should probably try improve my chances of conception and figured at least it would give me the required three months to improve my eggs so the wait wasn’t too bad.

Then I got my hormone results and now don’t know… I’ve seen people’s AMH go down terribly in just a few months. So now time is of the essence.

I looked forward to tomorrow because at least then we were getting somewhere. But now…I don’t know how soon they get back to you regarding your biopsy results, I don’t know how long you wait if you have to do a second one, I don’t know if Dr. T will actually agree to treat me if he sees my results. And the most important one of all. If they do go ahead, when will we begin?

The excitement is gone. Now that this wait is almost over, I can’t relax, because I don’t know how long the next wait will be. And I’m tired. Tired of waiting.

 

 

Wow. It Works! (For me, that is!)

Oh. My. Word.

The DHEA made a difference!!

From an AMH of 0.292 I’m now .0471 and from 2.608 it’s now 3.36

My FSH has gone from 27.5 to 14.9

This after only three weeks on it. THREE WEEKS, Y’ALL!!!!!

There’s only one study that claims it made no difference, but the others I saw said it improved egg quality and decreased FSH. So, I shall assume my egg quality is being improved just like my numbers.

A ray of light.

Whew.

I’m taking both sets of results to Tygerberg next week. Dr. TM needs to see the DHEA in action. And think, I’ll have taken it for SIX weeks by the time my cycle comes. Woohoo. I think I have a chance!

 

 

 

I Spoilt Our First Anniversary

We never got a honeymoon. Well, we had one night-our wedding night- at the Vineyard Hotel in Claremont. Then we went straight to the UK with MIL then moved out. For our first anniversary, we went to London and stayed at the Hilton, did all those touristy things like riding a RED bus, taking pictures at Buckingham Palace… And I was crying the whole time.

My period had arrived the very same day we arrived at the hotel.

No anniversary fun, no anniversary, “We’re pregnant!” Just tears. The mothers with their prams at Kew Gardens were depressing, I couldn’t even enjoy the lovely plants. I was miserable. When my husband saw how miserable I was, that’s when he realised how badly I wanted children. He knew I loved the break from being in boring old Southend-on-Sea, he knew I loved fancy hotels (Ok, I’m too poor to stay in them but I love the idea, LOL) and so to be THAT miserable on our anniversary meant he had to stop humouring me about the fact that we’d not fallen pregnant and take my fears seriously. (We’d dated for four years before our wedding. I was ready as soon as I said my vows.) I was so miserable that I don’t recall much.

 

I wish I could.

Maybe one day I’ll go back to London and Kew Gardens. And seeing mothers with prams and hearing tiny little voices will make me smile this time.

Next Friday we go to Ty.gerberg F.ertility Clinic for my husband’s testis biopsy and consultation with Dr. TM.

My period started two days ago so IF they do let us cycle with them (If my hormones were normal or at least not too bad, I wouldn’t say ‘if) I’ll have a longish wait -if they say we can begin with my next cycle… My last cycle was 31 days long. I wanted it over at the usual 26. I blame DHEA.

Still waiting. Still hoping that I can complete our family.

Grateful that despite my awful results, I do still have a monthly cycle. It could be much worse and I’d have less hope.

Just under two weeks to go till we find out if step one will be successful. (Finding some sper.m!)